Trying to Stay Strong....

Happy 5 am...

Before we get down to the nitty-gritty stuff that I got on here to write about...just thought I'd share that I had a very odd dream last night....Jim's cousin bought Baby Jack his very own Russian Unicorn as a baby gift!!!!! LOLOLOL Love it! If you don't get the joke, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjaZNYSt7o0.

ANYWAYS...new problems have risen. While I was in Prescott last weekend for my baby shower, I woke up incredibly itchy on my stomach...it was horrible! My body always seems to do weird things when I go home anymore--- really bad migraines in the morning, stuffy nose, etc. I thought this was just an added "Going-home-symptom" but apparently not. It's just been getting worse- the redness, swelling, and itching. I finally went to the doctor today because it's just becoming unbearable...can't even sleep because I wake up feeling like I got bit by a million bug bites on my stomach surrounding my belly button. That's the best way to describe it.

So, I had originally done some Google research and found this pregnancy condition abbreviated PUPPP...it's a pregnancy rash that can be so extreme sometimes that they have to induce labor to treat the itching with high dose steroids! Anyways, this condition is exactly what I have. While at the doctor she asked me if it was spreading anywhere besides my stomach, which at the time wasn't...but now it is even though I got a steroid medication for the itching now (clobetasol). It's terrible! My stomach looks like I have leprosy....and now I'm not only itching there, but also on my arms, legs, back....I thought pregnancy made some women feel beautiful? I haven't felt this ugly in a really long time. I've been holding back the tears all day but last night before bed I really broke down and Jim was really nice about it...I love him so much and that's one of the things I really do love about him-- he doesn't judge me or make me feel anything less...I can truly tell that he feels bad for me and wishes he could take some of the burden of carrying our child...I believe it too...if he could, he would take all the pain away.

I guess it's just hard because I feel like everything always has to go wrong--and I always get the weird, f-ed up stuff that nobody's ever heard of-- I had Bell's Palsy in high school and now this...both really annoying and embarrassing. I can't help but wonder what I did in a past life to deserve so much pain and just one thing right after another!!!!!!!!! Nothing is ever simple...

OK...there's my bitch-fit :) I'm done...I'm gonna go soak in an oatmeal bath and see if I can't get back to sleep :) NUH NITE friends...thanks for listening to me vent!!!!!!

32 Weeks, 4 Days, 53 Days Left

So I am really up and down today...actually, the only time I was really "up" was when I had my ultrasound...got to see Jack :)

Here's a pic of his foot! Isn't it cute!!!?? This foot is ALWAYS kicking to the left of my belly button. I love it.

So here is the vent session that I need to get off my chest...

-I don't like gaining weight...I'm 147 lbs!!!! :( I feel huge!!!

-I have lots of ugly stretch marks even though I lather up with palmers cocoa butter everyday!!!

-A certain person (no names) is driving the hell out of me!

-I'm tired of being alone!!!

-and another thing, but I'm not gonna say it because it's a little too close to heart...

SOOOOO ANYWAYS....Jack weighs 4 lbs now...he's in 40th percentile for being 32 weeks, so thats not too bad... :) Yays for my growing boy :)

Crib and Nursery :)

32 Weeks, 2 Days, 55 Days Left- Second Scare

Yesterday was definitely an up and down kind of day! It was nice because I had some alone/chill time in the morning while Jim was out playing frisbee golf and then we spent the afternoon together watching Sin City and having lunch...but the whole time and all day Friday I was having pains- menstrual-like cramps, gasey pains without the gas, and then pressure and pain in my pelvis to where I'd have to double over...so there was some concern.

Now, anyone who truly knows me knows that I am stubborn as ever when it comes to going to the emergency room or even an urgent care...it's like pulling teeth, even though I know it's always worth it- either you find something or it puts your mind at ease!

So, to put our minds at ease (since this is our first baby and we have no clue what is going on), we went to the OB OR last night around 4pm. Luckily they got us right in and hooked me up the monitor and started recording the babies heart beat, movements and contractions. At first there were no contractions, only Jack going crazy on my bladder lol...but after about fifteen minutes and some hydration, I was having contractions every 3 minutes! They were small but I could definitely feel them.

They tested to see if my water broke, which I knew it didnt....but let them test anyways...then they checked if I was dialating, which I wasn't...thank goodness!! So, they gave me this medication, not sure the name of it, to stop the contractions and it worked. It made me feel real shakey and my heart race, but I've only had two contractions since 7:30 last night, so YAYS :)

Another up moment after we got home though--- Jim's mom and brother dropped off our new crib! It's SOOOO cute! I am going to post pics of that and the nursery in the next blog today :)

Thanks for listening to our little "scare #2" lol I'm so glad Jack's gonna stay in a bit longer- he needs to continue "cooking" lol.

31 Weeks, 5 Days, 59 Days left

So I'm almost 32 weeks...had my 31 weeks checkup today and it went horribly. I met with the actual doctor yet again and she said flat out (about the c-section): "No...your leg is no reason to go through major surgery...you do realize it's major surgery?" and she didn't even wait for me to answer or say anything. She acting like I was completely retarded about my own body! I wanted to kick her in the face and tell her to shove her opinion up her...anyways! I'm switching doctors. I've decided it today- after todays appointment, I don't want to see her again, let alone have her deliver my baby! She doesn't listen to anything I have to say. It's NOT just my leg...it's my leg, hip, pelvis...everything! I am truly concerned and she doesn't give my concerns the time of day because she's too busy shoving us through her line. It's ridiculous and I'm tired of it. I may be this far along but I need to see someone who will respect me as a patient and not just a number. Even if they truly suggest a natural birth- FINE!!! But listen to me first and take an interest into my past first, not just one little aspect of my life.... So, I've been doing research this afternoon and will make a couple calls tomorrow to get this ball rolling.

On a better note, our nursery is finally almost finished- well, the painting and murals are finished- thanks to our friends!!! It's beautiful!!! I will post pics later :)

I also finish my externship this coming monday- so that will be a nice stress reliever and i can just relax til the baby comes.

My baby showers are coming up as well as my maternity pictures, courtesy of my lovely cousin Andrea. I'm soooo excited! I even bought a new dress today to wear for it today! It's such a cute dress! Oh, which reminds me of another thing that pissed me off today- (the tears and emotions have all turned to anger lately lol) Jim and I went to Khols today because we had a $10 gift card to put towards any purchase and i wanted to look at the dresses...so we're checking out with this dress that I love and the cashier (who is pregnant herself, about 4 months) basically says that she hates the selection of maternity clothing at Khols and that she'll never wear anything like it...basically INSULTING the item I'm purchasing!! I know it doesn't sound like much, but she was just completely stuck-up!

Wow...okay, thats enough venting...Hope you are all having a fabulous day...I'm gonna go CHILL and watch a movie until Jim gets home for dinner :) Thanks for listening to me rant lol

Love you all!!!!

27 weeks, 7 days, 85 days left!

I had my 27 week check-up on Wednesday…went way better than I had planned. I still have the same doctor and have decided to stick with it rather than changing during my third trimester. I talked to her during this last appointment and insisted that the c-section is the best thing for me, mentally and physically. Jim and I talked to his cousin who is an orthopedic surgeon…he agreed 100%. And, I feel if prissy rich women can choose this alternative to avoid the pain of pregnancy, then I should be able to choose it just for the sake of avoiding all the risks that are involved.

So, aside from that, baby Jack is growing and kicking like crazy. I have crazy nicknames for him when he kicks too much or too hard- beast, alien baby, psycho lol. I’m sure he likes it lol. He does have his sweet moments though—like when it’s just us two—im lounging on the couch, slouched, my belly protruding upward. He’ll push outward along my belly button, then I’ll run my hand along it and he’ll do it again—and we’ll take turns doing this as if it’s some kind of blind game. I can’t see him, he can’t see me. We can only feel the love between us. It makes me tear up sometimes.

I’m in my 3^rd trimester now so that means I have doctor appointments every two weeks now…plus, I’m still seeing the specialist for ultrasounds to see how he’s growing…which I have another appointment Tuesday. I’m kinda hoping those stay at monthly appointments but we’ll see! J

24 weeks

Hey everyone,

this update is a little later than I suppose I promised on facebook...but I haven't really felt motivated. It's 6 am and I can't sleep....again. I heard and read that pregnancy insomnia is common, so I'm not necessarily worried about it. I think I won't get worried unless it continues into August because on the 9th I start my externship, basically a full-time job without pay...bummer! lol.

Anyways!! Back to Jack....

I had another appointment with my baby doctor this last Wednesday, July 20. I was 23 weeks and I FINALLY met my doctor. She seems nice enough but she completely dismissed what I wanted to talk to her about- my concerns with delivery. I wanted more reassurance and interaction than what I received. I honestly think I should have a c-section and whether it's out of fear of my hip dislocating or whatnot, I think it's legit. But, once I brought the subject up, all she had to say was: Oh, your hips have nothing to do with your delivery, your hip will be fine.

The end.

OK...well, how come everyone I know says your hips move and they spread out and whatnot? I'm so very confused what to do here because I don't want to change doctors but I feel it is definitely necessary now...plus, Jim wants to change also. We both feel like I'm just a number there-- they didn't even have in my chart that I'd had my hip replaced! It's a joke.

All drama aside, baby Jack is doing well...heartbeat was at 150, which I guess is good.

He's definitely moving a lot more lately! I absolutely love it- can't get enough of it. I'm sure all you other mommy's felt the same? I think it's the only part of pregnancy that I do enjoy...everything else sucks and I hate it lol. BUT, I do know that the end result will be more rewarding than what my body and emotions are having to go through. :)